Loss
by Lauralogan80
Summary: Loss brings two people together . . .
1. Chapter 1

(I don't own any Hey Arnold characters)

It had been a long day on the wards. Arnold had seen patient after patient. His shift was supposed to have ended three hours ago, but he didn't feel like going home. He never did these days. Things between him and his wife had been strained of late.

It had started of with a hiss and a roar, but had cooled into first, a comfortable friendship, but now, slowly, resentment.

Lila just couldn't handle Arnold's work. It would keep him late, sometimes away for a couple of days. And even when he was home he was still on call.

"Your damn job is more important than me!" she had screamed at him the last time he was home. "You never come home anymore!"

"Any wonder when all you do is scream at me and put my work down?" he demanded.

Arnold shook the memory out of his head. That had been yesterday morning. He had slept in his office last night, cleaned up in a hospital shower, and started his day again.

His next case was a cancer patient. He looked through the folder: Michaels, Kieran. He looked up and to his surprise saw Phoebe talking to one of the nurses at the station.

"Phoebe?" his voice asked, shocked.

Phoebe looked at him confused then smiled.

"Arnold? Oh my God!" she shouted in glee and came forward to give him a big hug.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, pulling back and taking her in.

"Oh, um, a patient," she said.

"No kidding? But you don't work at this hospital do you?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No, but I'm here as a favour to a friend."

"Anyone I know?" he asked casually, looking again through the pages in the folder. This guy had been through a lot but he was still fighting. It looked to be pretty aggressive. His body was resisting treatment. Arnold frowned. It didn't look good. From what he could see, he was here for "comfort" this time, rather than treatment.

"Helga," Phoebe said.

"Helga Pataki, Helga?" he asked, looking up shocked.

Phoebe nodded.

"Her husband, Kieran, is in here," she said.

"Kieran Michaels?"

"Yeah, you know him?" she asked, leading him to the room.

"Only what I have browsed," he said, holding up the folder.

Phoebe stopped, and pulled him aside to sit him down on a chair in the empty waiting area.

"Arnold," Phoebe bit her lip. "Helga lost her son, two months ago," she told him quietly, tears making her eyes shine. "She's an absolute mess at the moment, afraid she's going to lose him next."

"He passed away?" Arnold asked.

"Meningitis," Phoebe explained. "It hasn't been a pleasant few months for her at all. And now this . . ."

Arnold just nodded. He didn't have high hopes that it was going to get better for Helga, either.

It had been many years since he had seen Helga. The summer after graduation in fact. They stayed in contact for a while, but Arnold became busy with University, Helga the same he guessed, and the letters became emails that came few and far between, until one year there wasn't even a Christmas card. And it wasn't until after New Years that year he had realised it. He had friended her on Facebook, but she had closed her page down after about six months. And everyone just lost track of her.

Except Phoebe.

But after Phoebe and Gerald broke up, he didn't hear anything about her for a long time. She hadn't been at any weddings of their old friends. She was living out of state, and it was at Sid's wedding to Sheena - most bizarre, out of the blue couple ever! - that Arnold overheard Phoebe telling Lila that Helga had gotten married. Arnold had felt a small pang of hurt, but it passed quickly enough. It had been so long since they had communicated.

Later that night he and Lila were talking about old times. They became friends, then lovers, and after two years husband and wife. Arnold was working by then, and although she had started out supportive in the beginning, slowly they drifted back into the friend zone, and now they couldn't even stand to be in the same room with each other. Arnold often stayed in his office and used the hospital showers and ate from the cafeteria to avoid going home.

Lila wanted children, but Arnold just didn't see them in his immediate future. Lila wanted the white picket fence, or would often mention returning to the country. To raise their children. The ones Arnold wasn't ready for.

"I'll be as sensitive as I can," he said. "But it's not good, Phoebe."

"I know," Phoebe said, looking down.

Arnold nodded.

They both got up together and made their way to the room, where Arnold set his eyes on Helga for the first time in ten years.

Her long blonde hair was in a plait that ended at her waist. When she turned to see who had entered, Arnold noticed she had two eyebrows, and although she looked the same, she also looked so different. Arnold wasn't sure if he would recognize her enough to approach her if he saw her on the street, but he would definitely look a few times as if trying to figure it out. He could tell she was an attractive woman.

But at the moment, her face was blotchy, her eyes puffy and tired. She looked absolutely shattered.

She got up and left the room. Her husband was asleep.

"I can't lose him Phoebe," she moaned. She looked in the direction of her husband's room. "He's all I have."

Phoebe and Arnold looked at each other. Helga had obviously not recognized Arnold.

"I know Helga," Phoebe said, coming forward and wrapping an arm around Helga's shoulders. Arnold saw tears start to go down Phoebe's face.

"Helga?" he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. She shook her head and refused to look at him.

"I cant."

"Helga, he wont be going home today," he told her.

Helga sobbed. She looked like she was going to break.

Phoebe looked back at him, looking lost.

Suddenly Helga stopped crying, and took a deep breath.

"Okay," she said, calmly.

The skin at the back of Arnold's head prickled and a sour taste entered his mouth. Whenever he had a bad feeling about something, whenever he thought something bad was about to happen, he got it. He frowned and looked at Phoebe.

Helga leaned over and kissed her husband's forehead.

"I love you," she whispered.

…...

"Helga will be staying with me," Phoebe said.

"I think it might be best if she saw the counsellor before she left, Phoebe," Arnold said. "Something isn't right . . ."

"I know," she said. "I'll keep a close eye on her, I promise."

"Phoebe," he said worriedly.

Phoebe scribbled something down on some paper and handed it to him.

"Here's my phone number and address. If anything happens, just call me," she told him. "Anything at all, Arnold."

She turned and walked over to Helga who was waiting for her by the lift. Together the two woman entered and then left his sight as the doors closed. He sighed and looked down the hall in the direction they had walked from. Helga had finally realized who he was, but beyond a "Hello," she didn't say anything else. She was too wrapped up in her grief.

Arnold made his way back to the room and entered, looking Helga's husband over. He had once been handsome, Arnold could tell. But illness was taking it's toll. Arnold guessed chemotherapy hadn't helped. Part of him admired Helga for sticking with him. It would have been hard.

'She must really love him,' he thought.

It made him think of Lila. Would she stick by him if he were to fall so seriously ill? Would he stick by her? And if so, was it because they loved the other, or felt obligated? Did Helga feel obligated?

"Helga?" a weak voice suddenly called out. Arnold jumped and whipped his head around to look at the patient. "Oh, a doctor."

"Uh, yeah, hi. I'm Dr. Arnold -" BEEP BEEP BEEP! An alarm went off, and he saw nurses racing down the hall. He turned and poked his head out. "Need help?"

"No, we've got it covered," his colleague said, rushing past, and giving him a quick smile. Arnold nodded, and came back into the room.

"Where's my wife?" Kieran asked.

"Oh, she and Phoebe left about ten minutes ago," he told him. Kieran chuckled.

"How'd she pull that off?" he asked. "I've been at Helga to leave for a couple of days now. Stubborn woman."

"Yeah, she always has been," Arnold said, laughing.

"Always?" Kieran asked. "You know my wife?"

"Oh, uh, elementary school and middle school," Arnold explained. "Different high schools, lost contact in University . . ."

"Wow, sorry," he said.

"For what?" Arnold asked.

"Well, I know it's always nice to see old friends . . . just wish it was under better circumstances. I'm sorry it's under such bad ones," Kieran explained.

Arnold smiled. "Not your fault."

"So how high can you go with the pain relief before it kills me?" he asked.

"Your pretty much on as high as we can legally put you," Arnold said. "Okay-"

"We lost our son a couple of months ago," Kieran said.

"Yeah, Phoebe mentioned that. I'm sorry," he said.

"Never leave your kid with a Pataki," he said bitterly. "Helga warned me, but I didn't listen. I should've listened."

Arnold didn't know what to say. So instead he sat down to listen. Kieran smiled apologetically.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Not at all," Arnold said smiling. "It's what I'm here for." Kieran just nodded.

"I want to be with my son. But I want to be with Helga . . ." Kieran said. "Thinking of our poor baby alone. It destroys Helga. I've been so worried I would find she'd joined him . . ."

Again Arnold got that prickly feeling.

"Phoebe is doing her best, but . . . you cant replace a child's place in a mothers heart. You just cant."

Arnold looked down. "I don't have children, so I wouldn't know."

"Oh, your choice or your wife's?" Kieran asked.

"Mine," he said. Kieran nodded.

"When I met Helga, I was engaged. But it never felt right, you know? You need to be with the right person, I think. Children aren't very good glue, and you see so many people trying to use them for just that purpose," he said. "My sister did. And it blew up in her face."

Arnold just nodded. They were silent for a while.

"Oh, you must be that Arnold!" Kieran suddenly cried out, again making Arnold jump.

"Pardon?"

"The one Helga wrote poetry about when she was a child," he explained. "She was so in love with you."

Arnold smiled. "Yep. Same Arnold."

"Do me a favour," he said.

"Sure," Arnold said smiling.

"Look out for her. Helga acts tough, but she's not really. She's very sensitive . . ."

Arnold smiled.

"I'll do my best."

Minutes later Kieran was asleep again.

…...

Phoebe got the call at three oh seven in the morning that Kieran had passed away. She got up and woke Helga, who just nodded and got dressed.

"I dreamt he was a butterfly," she told Phoebe. "In my dream, this butterfly landed on my hand, and it had his eyes, his beautiful eyes . . . then it flew away, and I knew, Phoebe . . . I knew . . ."


	2. Chapter 2

"I just don't understand why we have to go, Arnold," Lila whined. "It's not like we knew her husband, or her anymore, for that matter."

"Just because she isn't our best friend, doesn't mean she wont appreciate the support," Arnold told her. "Besides, Harold and Patty will be there as well."

Arnold had been very surprised to find out that Patty and Harold knew Helga and her husband quite well. Patty had bumped into Helga a couple of months after Helga had married Kieran. They exchanged numbers, but Helga moved often. Before Kieran had gotten sick, he was in the navy. They moved often.

"Oh, goody," Lila said sarcastically. She and Patty hadn't gotten along at all in High School. She had been best friends with Rhonda Wellington Lloyd, who was in love with Harold, who was in love with Patty. Together they often came up with schemes to split Harold and Patty up, or at least make them unhappy.

It never worked, because Patty wasn't stupid, and besides that she had Helga on her side. Helga was known as the "Scheme Queen", in high school.

Lila sighed. She too, hadn't seen or heard from Helga in years. Though they weren't friends in high school, they weren't enemies or rivals, unlike Helga and Rhonda. Rhonda tried very hard to be the Queen Bee of the school, but Helga didn't even seem to try and somehow managed to surpass Rhonda in the respect. Something that drove Rhonda to near madness. The finally straw had been when Helga had won Prom Queen over her. Rhonda's rage hit boiling point when she saw that Helga didn't even appreciate having the crown. She danced with the Prom King - who was Rhonda's date for the night - then had walked over to her friends, taken off the crown and left not long afterwards.

Harold had held the last party the whole gang managed to attend that summer. Arnold had reappeared, looking very different, and being very different, yet somehow his same old lovable self. Lila found herself attracted to him, and things seemed to go well, until Helga had shown up. Helga and Arnold had started talking, drinking, then had disappeared with on another, and had a summer fling, before going their separate ways when Uni started. Lila had been hurt, but gotten over it once Uni started and she met knew friends and a new boyfriend.

Whom she late cheated on and left four years later after bumping into Arnold at Sid and Sheena's wedding. Helga had not been in attendance at their wedding, or at Harold and Patty's for that matter.

_"Oh, Helga got married last spring," Phoebe told her. "It was a beautiful wedding in Hawaii."_

_"What does her husband do?" Lila asked, curious as to what kind of man Helga had married. And what kind of man would marry Helga!_

_"He's in the navy," Phoebe told her._

_"Oh, wow," Lila has said, surprised. "Is she in the navy herself?"_

_"No," Phoebe laughed. "You think she'd let someone boss her around? She was an junior editor for a woman's magazine, but gave it up when she married Kieran. She's writing novels now."_

_"Has she been published?" Lila asked._

_"Under a pseudonym," Phoebe confirmed._

_"Which?"_

_"Well, if I told you, that would ruin it, wouldn't it?" Phoebe had said laughing. "But she paints under her own name. you should look her up online."_

Lila had, and was suitably impressed. Helga was doing well for herself, obviously. She had showings at art galleries, and was known to have done commission work for celebrities. She was also a freelance photographer. A very popular one, too.

"Are you almost ready?" Arnold asked.

"Yes," she finally said, slipping on her heels. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a stew she had cooked to give Helga at the wake. It was going to be held at her house.

Although her husband wasn't actively serving in the navy, he was getting a traditional navy send off. Lila couldn't help but look at all the men in their uniforms. a lot of the other women seemed unimpressed with the sight of all these men in uniform. Lila had never seen so many uniformed men in one place. Then she noticed that there were woman standing with the men as well. She kept her surprise to herself.

She looked around to find Helga standing with a bunch of woman who were looking equally sad. They were talking to her, and rubbing her back. Phoebe was amongst them, of course, and so was Patty, if she was assuming right. Harold was standing off the right of the woman talking to one of the very few men who wasn't in a uniform.

She was guessing that the tall blonde woman, with long blonde hair, tied up in a plaited knot at the back of her head was Helga. How she has changed. Lila always remembered her as being tall, commanding, dominant and confident.

She looked like none of that now. Her concentration on Helga was broken when she felt Arnold tug on her arm, leading her toward a chair.

They took their seats and waited for the ceremony to begin.

…...

"What a beautiful house," Lila murmured. "And so close to a beach!"

"I suppose it makes sense to live nearby," Arnold said.

He could see Lila's eyes shining. This was her dream. The house was a Queen Anne style.

"It's like a little castle with the tower, isn't it Arnold?" she breathed.

Although no fence was at the front, Arnold could see that there was up the side of the house, blocking the back yard from the front.

'Of course, if they had a child…' he thought.

There were trees in the front, and a path leading up to the open front door. They got out of the car, and Lila took her dish out of the thermal bag it had been placed in to keep warm. Arnold thought it was silly of her, seeing as how Helga wouldn't be eating it immediately. It had started a mini fight, which Arnold ended by going completely quiet and letting her rant, then finish thinking she'd won.

Sometimes it was for the best.

Entering he heard Lila gasp. Polished wooden floors and stairway, with carpet going down the middle. It was thick carpet, not old and worn. The walls were wood panelled which made the house seem warm. There was a large picture of Helga, Kieran and their son hanging on the wall in the lounge over the fireplace. Lila and Arnold suddenly felt quite uncomfortable. There were still pictures everywhere of a happy family. They seemed out of place at such a dark occasion.

"I'm glad you made it," Phoebe said, coming up to them. Lila saw a few woman looking over at her and Arnold curiously. "Come in."

They walked further into the lounge room, and saw Helga sitting down with a few other woman, and a uniformed man, next to her, holding her hand. Helga was frowning slightly, and staring at her lap.

"Is that appropriate?" Lila whispered to Arnold, nodding in the direction of the man holding Helga's hand.

"That's Kieran's brother," Phoebe explained icily. Lila's eyes went wide.

"Oh, I, I, I wasn't trying to imply anything, I just . . ."

Phoebe shook her head.

"The whole family are involved in the navy," Phoebe explained. "Helga knew nothing about it when she married Kieran, but she lucked out, really. The men in Kieran's family have seven generations in the navy. She had both her mother-in-law and grandmothers-in-law to help ease her transition into the life."

"The life?" Lila asked. "You make it sound like prison or something. Transition."

"Not like prison, Lila, but it's very different from the life you and I lead," Phoebe snapped. "They moved a lot. Helga could go months without seeing Kieran, then there was the pregnancy, the tense waits, a newborn baby without her husband. Different. They bought this house, so that when they next moved they could rent it out, but come back when Kieran retired, or if their son decided not to follow in his dad's footsteps he would have a place to live."

"But it needed to be near the sea," a deep voice said from behind them. Lila and Arnold both turned to see that the man who had been holding Helga's hand, Kieran's brother, was standing there. Wait a minute . . . Lila looked back to Helga. The same man was still there . . . But he was behind them as well . . .

"Twins?" Lila said out loud.

The man laughed. "Yeah."

Lila smiled. Phoebe blushed.

"Hello, Scott," Phoebe said shyly.

"Phoebe, how are you?" he asked, leaning in and giving her a kiss on the cheek. Arnold noticed that she went red, and her eyes shiny.

"Scott, this is Lila and Arnold. Childhood friend of mine and Helga's. Arnold was the doctor who was with your brother when he passed," she explained.

Scott turned to Arnold and gave him a sad smile.

"Thankyou," he said, holding out his hand.

Arnold took it. "I'm sorry for your loss. I didn't get to know your brother long, only a few hours, but he seemed like a really great guy. Someone I would defiantly like to have been friends with."

"I made a stew," Lila said weakly, holding it out to him.

"Thanks, I'll go put it in the kitchen," he said, taking it from her. "Excuse me."

They watched as he walked away, then Phoebe sighed.

"Let's go pass on our condolences, Lila," Arnold said quietly.

"Then leave," she whispered back. "It's so uncomfortable here. I hate funerals."

"Well, you'll be cheap to get rid of when you die then, wont you?" Patty said from behind her. Lila jumped and turned at the same time. What was it with people sneaking up on her today? Patty looked to Arnold.

"You'll be able to just toss her casket in a hole, or is she getting cremated?" Harold said with a smirk. They both moved past her, and went to the food table.

"Figures," she muttered, the watched as Patty then walked over to Helga and passed her the plate.

"I'll go ahead, shall I?" Arnold said, frostily. He moved away from her and headed in Helga's direction. She stood there for a second, then followed. Reaching Helga, Lila watched as Helga looked up at Arnold. She didn't smile, or even seem to recognize him for a moment. Lila held back her smirk. Arnold bent down and gave Helga a hug. Helga rested her head on his shoulder, but Lila noted it looked more because of exhaustion then anything else. She looked up at Lila and gave a weak smile. Lila sighed. What was wrong with her? Helga wasn't out to get Arnold. She had just lost her husband a few days ago, her child a couple of months back. Lila suddenly felt ashamed and heartbroken. She couldn't imagine a worse pain. And as much as she wanted to dislike Helga, she couldn't.

Helga stood up and gave Lila a hug.

"Thankyou for coming," she whispered. Lila could hear the pain in Helga's voice. She wrapped her arms around Helga.

"I'm so sorry for your loss. Both of them," she said. Helga pulled back and nodded, the sighed a sigh so big, Lila thought she was going to break right there.

"I need some air," Helga said, starting away from the group.

Lila asked where the bathroom was and went first to the bottom floor one, which was busy, then upstairs which was also busy. She sighed, then wondered if maybe there was an ensuite. She walked down the hallway to the master bedroom, passing by a child's room on the way. Looking in she got the creepers. The room obviously hadn't been touched since the day Helga's son had gone to hospital. Some clothes were on the floor, building blocks scattered everywhere, a pair of shoes and socks by the door. Nothing had been cleaned up or packed away. She looked behind her, almost expecting the little boy in the picture to be asking her why she was looking in his bedroom. She looked away, then went on to the master bedroom.

It had a beautiful four poster bed, with sheer curtains pulled back. It was a romantics room. Helga's touch could be seen everywhere. Walking in Lila saw there was indeed an ensuite. She ducked in quickly, using the toilet and looking around. There was a spa bath in a triangle shape. Red and pink candles were placed around the room. It was very clean and tidy. In fact, besides the kids room, the whole house was tidy and neat. She finished her business and flushed, washed her hands, and went back into the bedroom. A silver photo frame of what appeared to be Helga and Kieran on their wedding day was sitting on the bedside table. Lila picked it up.

It was a rare thing growing up with Helga to see a genuine smile on her face. To see her happy. But in this picture, she was glowing with happiness to the point that Lila swore she could feel the warmth through the frame. On the other bedside was a frame with twenty-two spaces but with only 5 pictures of their son. Newborn, One, Two, Three, Four . . . There were no more photo's after that. Lila took a deep breath. And there never will be.

"Are you okay?" Helga asked from the doorway. Lila turned to look at her, and returned the photo to its place.

"Sorry, I needed the bathroom, and they were all busy," she said, feeling guilty.

Helga nodded.

"What was your sons name?" she asked, suddenly. Arnold had never told her.

"Christopher," she said.

"Oh."

Both women were quiet for a moment.

"Well, I'd better get back downstairs," she said.

"Yeah, I think Arnold is ready to leave," Helga said, moving towards the bed. She sat down on it. "I'm so tired. I just want to sleep and never wake up."

"I'll bet. Well, I'll leave you to it then," Lila said, leaving.

"Lila?" Helga called out. Lila turned to look back at her. "Tell Phoebe I'm having a nap."

Lila nodded then left.

Arnold was indeed ready to leave.

"It was nice seeing you again, Phoebe," Arnold said.

"Yes, let's hope our next meeting is under more pleasant circumstances," she said, giving him a hug.

"Helga is upstairs taking a nap," Lila told her. "Just so you know."

Phoebe frowned.

"Thanks for letting me know, Lila," she said, looking at the ceiling.

…...

The drive home was quiet. Lila was thinking quietly to herself. Helga had been so lucky, she'd had everything that Lila wanted, but now look at her. She had lost everything. Lila had never really thought about it in that way.

The more you have, the more you have to lose.

She looked over at her husband. Arnold was as quiet as ever. There was a wall between them, built up by both of them. And even though Lila would bang against it as hard as she could, it sometimes felt like Arnold would reinforce it from his side. She sighed.

She still wanted the family, the home, the dog . . . But maybe Arnold wasn't the right person to have this all with? Why had it not occurred to them before this, that to get married you needed to have at least a bit of the same vision of the future.

Oh, who was she kidding? She knew from the beginning, with Arnold's hectic work schedule that a family was going to be difficult. He had told her before they married that children didn't look to be in the near future, if ever. And she had still married him in the hopes that she would change his mind.

It hadn't happened.

Arnold looked over at his wife when she sighed.

He was thinking the same thoughts.

What a mess they had made.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Lila just nodded. Instead of pursuing it, Arnold just went back to his own thoughts. Bound together only by ink on a piece of paper.


	3. Chapter 3

Two months later Arnold came home to find a big envelope on the table and Lila sitting there waiting for him.

"My lawyer wanted to give it to you, but I figured it would be best if I did it," she told him, handing him the envelope. "I owe our marriage that much at least."

He looked at her, then opened the envelope.

Divorce papers.

He almost breathed a sigh a relief, and that's truly how he felt. Finally, one of them had gotten the guts to file. He put the papers down and signed where he needed to.

"I'm sorry it ended this way," Arnold said.

"Yeah," Lila agreed. "Me too."

They were both quiet, until finally Lila picked up the papers and put them in the envelope.

"I can go stay with my dad," she said.

"No, it's alright," Arnold said. "I was thinking of going to catch up with Phoebe anyway."

Lila just nodded.

"Do you want to keep the apartment?" Arnold asked. Lila looked around, then shook her head. "Alright, I'll let the landlord know we're handing in our notice."

…...

Lila felt so desolate and alone. She had always been with someone, anyone, since high school. Since then she'd only gone two months without having a boyfriend, and that was just the first two months of school. The rest of the time she had already moved on before leaving her boyfriend. But this had been different. As sad as the marriage had turned out to be, she just couldn't find it in her to cheat. Arnold was a good husband, when he was around to be one. But . . .

It was an ill fit.

She knew Arnold had become unhappy in the marriage as well, but was relieved to know he hadn't cheated on her at all. In a way she was glad it had ended this way. There was no lying and no cheating, and it was amicable and easy. How many divorcees could say that?

…...

Phoebe found Helga sitting Christopher's room, hugging a shirt.

"I can still smell him," she said, tears in her eyes.

"Helga, I think it's time to maybe pack these things away," Phoebe suggested.

Helga shook her head. "Not yet."

Phoebe heard the doorbell and left to go answer it to see who it was. She was surprised to see Arnold standing there.

"Hey," he said. "Just thought I'd stop by and see how things are going."

"Oh, um I don't know if now is a good time," Phoebe said, looking back up the stairs.

"Is there a problem?" Arnold asked.

Phoebe debated with herself wether or not to let him in and tell him.

"He can come in, Phoebe. It's rude to keep people waiting in the cold," Helga said, coming down the stairs.

Phoebe stepped aside and tentatively, Arnold stepped in.

Helga was wearing jeans and a red shirt. Her hair was loose and messy. She didn't look like she had brushed it today . . . or maybe for a few days. She walked into the lounge and sat down on the couch and stared out the bay windows.

"It's such a nice day," she said. "We should go to the park . . ."

Arnold looked at Phoebe, who looked back at him and shook her head.

"How's Lila?" she suddenly asked.

"Uh, she's good," he answered. Helga smirked at him.

"You always were a terrible liar," she said. "Kieran was good, when he needed to be, but he could never lie to me. And Christopher . . . He lied once when he broke a glass bowl. He did it right in front of me and when I asked him what he had done, he said nothing," Helga laughed a little. "He'd cut two toes on the top. He was just learning . . ."

"Well, I think tonight calls for pizza, my shout," Arnold said. He saw Helga tilt her head, then frown.

"You and Lila aren't together?" she asked.

Arnold's jaw dropped.

"What?" he asked, stunned. How did she know that?

"A little bird told me," she said. "You can sleep in the guest room downstairs if you want. Would be nice to have a man around the house again, eh Pheebs?"

Phoebe looked over at Arnold, who had paled slightly. So it was true? Were he and Lila not together?

"How did she know that?" Arnold asked. "Has Lila been here?"

Phoebe shook her head.

"Then how did she know?"

"I don't know how she does it, Arnold, she just does," Phoebe said. "So what happened?"

Arnold shrugged.

"She couldn't handle the life as the wife of a doctor I guess," he said. "It just fizzled, and was starting to turn toxic. Neither of us were happy, so we agreed that it was best to get out while we still could."

"Fair enough," Phoebe said. When the phone rang she answered it. Arnold saw her look Arnold's way a couple of times.

"Okay, see you soon. Bye," she hung up the phone and released a breath. "That was Scott. He will be joining us tonight."

"Okay, cool," Arnold said. "Should I let Helga know?"

Phoebe shrugged, so Arnold left.

"Scott is joining us tonight," Arnold said.

Helga sighed. "They can just go out tonight," she snapped.

"Pardon?" Arnold asked.

"Phoebe and Scott. I told him today he could take her out because we would have a guest staying with us who could make sure I didn't drown myself in the kitchen sink or something," Helga said, crossing her arms. "And I'll let them both know that your happy to baby-sit me tonight, so they can go off and do what lovers are meant to do, which isn't look after a fully grown woman!"

"Phoebe's just worried about you," Arnold said.

"Everyone's worried about me," Helga snapped.

"Should we be?" Arnold asked.

Helga remained quiet and turned her face away from him, to stare at the wall.

"Look out for her . . ." Kieran's voice seemed to whisper in his ear.

"How long do you need a room for?" Helga suddenly asked.

"Just til I find somewhere else," Arnold said. Helga nodded.

"Long commute to work," she told him.

"I have a lot of time owing to me, so I'm taking a month off," he said. "Will be easier to find a place too, if I'm not working non-stop."

Helga nodded and sighed. "No mushrooms."

"Gottacha," Arnold said, going to call to order pizza. "What about Phoebe?"

"No ants!" she called out.

Helga turned and smiled at him. "Well, you heard the girl!" Helga got up and wandered into the hall. Arnold could hear a door open then slam.

"Hey, can I get two large pizzas, um, meat lovers and Deluxe, no ants or mushrooms," he said.

Phoebe walked in.

"Uh, no, this isn't a joke. My friend just said she didn't want ants on her pizza, I figured it was just a nickname for anchovies or something."

Phoebe burst out laughing.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware you had ant problems . . . Oh, well that's good that you don't anymore . . . Okay, thankyou. Ten minutes, okay, bye."

Phoebe continued laughing.

"That was embarrassing," Arnold said, looking down at the phone.

"Oh, but funny from where I'm standing," Phoebe said. "Where's Helga?"

"Oh, um, she was in the hallway-"

Phoebe dashed out of the room and into the hallway calling for Helga.

"In here!" she called out from the spare room. Arnold followed Phoebe down to the spare room. Helga had just finished making the bed for him.

"Enjoy your stay," Helga said then breezed out of the room, Phoebe close on her heels, until the doorbell went and she opened it to let Scott in.

"Arnold has ordered pizza," Phoebe explained. Scott looked up to see Arnold standing there. "He's having marital problems, and needs a place to stay. So Helga has offered him a room here."

Scott nodded, then looked in to where Helga was now fussing over the fire. Arnold followed his stare, then went to help her.

"Here, let me," he said. "Thankyou for making my bed."

"No problem," she said, getting up and letting him finish the fire. "Well, as you can see, I have a baby sitter, so you two can go and have a night off."

"Helga-"

"It's fine, Phoebe," Arnold said. "I don't mind."

Phoebe looked at Arnold, and she felt Scott tense next to her. She looked up at him.

"Well, I suppose . . ."

"Go!" Helga yelled, walking up and pushing her out the door. "I'll be fine, I promise."

…...

They ate pizza and talked.

"So what made you marry Lila?" Helga finally asked. Arnold was quiet and thoughtful for a moment.

"Honestly? I don't know," he admitted. "I guess because . . ."

"Because?"

"I guess because the girl who I wanted to marry was married to someone else, so I settled for second best?" he guessed.

"Oh, that sucks," she said, stuffing pizza in her face.

"What about you? What made you fall in love with Kieran?" he asked.

Helga's eyes went misty.

"Everything, Arnold," she said. "His laugh and smile, his grumpy-pants face. He had an awesome sense of humour, flirty and fun, his eyes . . . Like melted chocolate . . . I could have drowned in them for the rest of my life . . ."

Arnold looked at her, regretting his questions. Not so much because of the feelings it was bringing out in him, from deep in his sub conscious, but because of the sudden change in Helga's mood.

The chatter stopped after that, and they finished eating in silence. They watched a movie, not saying a word unless necessary.

"I'm tired," Helga said, getting up suddenly. "I'm going to bed."

"Okay," Arnold said, not sure what to do. Did he follow her?

Helga left the room and he watched as she went upstairs. Taking out his phone he sent a quick text to Phoebe.

'We're almost home anyway' she replied.

Arnold sighed and turned off the T.V. he had lost interest himself, so went to go have a shower. Because the downstairs "bathroom" consisted only of a toilet, he had to go upstairs to use the shower. He got his stuff together and made his way up. All the bedroom doors were closed, but as he walked past the one that had been Christopher's, he stopped. He could hear Helga talking. Walking over he very quietly opened the door and peeked in.

She was sitting in a chair next to his bed, reading a book aloud. Arnold frowned. Especially when he noticed that there looked to be some type of doll in the bed.

He pulled back and quietly closed the door.

What had the last couple of months been like for Helga? And Kieran?

Had Kieran known all this was going on? Even if he had, what could he have done?

Does Phoebe know she does this? He continued into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

Was what he'd just seen a normal process of grief? Or was there something else wrong here?

…...

Arnold went out back to explore the yard and was surprised to find a swimming pool. He could see the yard was a big one, and in the back was a raised cubby house with a ladder and slide. He walked back there to see what else he could find. A few fruit trees, bearing no fruit, and a vegetable patch, well hidden. He walked over to the cubby house and looked inside. A few toy cars were in there as well as some crayons, paints and paper with a small plastic table.

Arnold walked away. Looking at the house he saw Helga come out with a load of washing. He stopped and observed her, and frowned when he saw she was hanging up kids clothes and single bed sheets. Had she finally cleaned up her son's room? He quietly walked towards her and said hi.

She completely ignored him, and kept hanging up washing. He just went inside to see Phoebe sitting with a cup of coffee.

"She doesn't seem to be getting any better," Phoebe said, sighing "She woke up in the middle of the night and started stripping the bed and taking clothes out of the drawers, telling me she was sorry she woke me, but Christopher had an accident."

"Yeah, I saw her hanging out some clothes just now," Arnold said. Phoebe shook her head.

"It's been happening since his death. Even Kieran was worried about her, but he wasn't well enough to do anything," Phoebe said. "She needs to get better soon. Or she's going to end up-"

They both looked over at the phone that had started to ring, cutting Phoebe's sentence short.

Arnold went over to answer it.

"Hello, Michaels residence," he answered. Phoebe held back a small laugh.

"Yes, this is he," he said, frowning. Phoebe watched as his face changed to one of shock, sorrow and horror.

"When?" he demanded. "No, I will be right there, thankyou."

He didn't even say anything as he rushed out the door.

…...


	4. Chapter 4

Arnold rushed into the emergency ward of the hospital and up to the counter.

"Excuse me?" he asked a harried looking nurse. "My wife Lila-" bring

"Just a moment, sir," the nurse said. "Hello?"

Arnold looked around the waiting room. It was pretty busy. One man looked like he had a hammer stuck in his cheek. Arnold looked away.

"Sorry, so how can I help you?" the nurse asked.

"My wife, Lila-" BEEP BEEP BEEP "was brought in. I got a phone call," he said, glaring up at the alarm.

"Oh, right. I'll just call Dr. Greps down," she said, picking up the phone.

"Yes, her husband is here," she said into the phone. "Just take a seat, he'll be here in a moment."

"Can't you just tell me what ward she's in?" he demanded.

"Visiting hours haven't started yet, sorry," she told him.

"I work here," he said.

The nurse blinked in annoyance as the phone went off again. "Then you know the rules. Hello?"

Arnold sighed in frustration and walked away, just as Dr. Greps walked through the doors.

"Arnold," he said, coming forward. "Lila's been in an accident."

"Is she okay?" he asked, worried.

"She's fine. A little banged up, but she's stable and conscious," he told him. "She wanted you called. Took a while to track you down."

"Yeah, sorry, I've been staying with friends," he told him. Dr. Greps nodded in understanding. He'd gone through a divorce himself not six months ago.

He led him into a room, to see Lila sitting up in bed, flipping through a magazine. She looked up and broke into a smile when she saw him.

"Oh, Arnold!" she cried out, dropping the magazine and reaching her arms up. Arnold went and gave her a hug. "It was so terrible!"

"What happened?" he asked, taking a seat in the chair next to her bed.

"Oh, I, uh, wasn't paying attention and walked out in front of a car," she said. "I'm very lucky apparently. Concussion, broken leg, but that seems to be the only damage. The poor driver," she said, shaking her head.

Arnold shook his head. Trust her to think about the feelings of the driver who hit her.

"Where have you been?" she asked.

"Oh, Helga's. I'm staying there with her and Phoebe. Good thing too," he said, telling her about what was happening. Lila looked down sadly at her hands.

"That's so sad," she said. "What kind of help has Phoebe gotten her?"

"I'm not sure," Arnold said. "But I think it would be a good idea to get some."

Lila nodded.

"Arnold?"

"Yeah?"

"I know we're not together anymore, but I still care for you a lot," she told him, looking up at him at last. "Please take care of yourself. And maybe look for somewhere else to live. Especially if Helga is as unstable as your hinting at."

Arnold just nodded. After that the subject of Helga dropped.

"I should get going," Arnold said. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I'll stop by tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, Arnold," Lila said, giving him a big smile. "And remember, take care of yourself."

He just smiled and left the room.

Before he left the hospital he made his way to his office.

"Oh, I thought you were on holiday?" one of the nurses said.

"I am. Just checking in on things," he told her.

She smiled.

…...

It was the middle of the night, and Arnold had had difficulty getting to sleep that night. Maybe it was the stuffiness? The heat? He opened his window, but it still didn't do anything. Then he was thinking of things. His past, everything. He realised he hadn't spoken to Gerald in almost a year. He should probably send him an email or give him a call sometime.

Sometime. Everything was always sometime. Catching up with old friends, making a phone call, his wife . . . Soon to be ex-wife . . .

Eventually Arnold drifted off into a dreamless sleep, but was awoken suddenly. He looked at the clock beside his bed. 3.57am. Then he noticed a shadow in his doorway, and saw that it was open.

"Who's there?" he asked, grabbing his clock, ready to throw it if needed.

"I'm sorry for your loss," a tired voice whispered.

"Helga?" he asked incredulous.

"I dreamed of a butterfly with her eyes and it flew away," she said. "I'm sorry."

Then she turned around, closing the door behind her. Arnold frowned. Butterflies? What the hell? He needed to talk to Phoebe. They needed to get her help. Before she hurt herself, or worse, someone else.

He sighed and fell back onto the pillows.

Great, now he was never going to get any sleep. He closed his eyes, then ten minutes after heard his cell phone go off. He sighed again, and answered.

"Hello?"

"Arnold? It's me," a man's voice came through.

"Dr. Greps?" he asked, sitting up, wide awake and alert.

"I'm sorry, Arnold. Lila passed away twenty minutes ago," he said, his voice nearly breaking.

"What? What do you mean? are you sure?" Arnold demanded. "She as fine today!"

"She said she had a headache, but was using the morphine to keep it at bay. A nurse finally called me to come check on her. But when I got there she was asleep. When we went to wake her, she just wouldn't wake up," he told her. "Arnold?"

Arnold sat there stunned. Part of him wanted to scream and cry. Part of him wanted to run away from the house, away from Helga, who was there only a little while ago telling him she was sorry for his loss.

Another, harsher, meaner part, wanted to run up the stairs and grab Helga and shake her, demanding how she knew, what had she done.

"Arnold?" he heard a voice call through his phone.

"I'm here," he said.

"Do you want to come in now? Or later this morning?" he was asked.

"Now," he said, in a hollow voice. He hung up without another word and got up and got dressed. When he walked down the hall he saw the kitchen light was on. Looking in he saw Helga standing at the bench, buttering toast. Then she turned around and walked towards him.

"Here you go," she said. "Don't eat and drive, though."

He took the toast from her then watched as she went upstairs and back to bed.

He got a chill down his spine.

…...

Phoebe was finishing her coffee when Arnold finally came back, looking downcast. When he looked up she could see he had been crying.

"Arnold? Is it true what Helga told me?" she asked.

He just nodded.

"I'm so sorry," she said, coming forward to give him a hug. He let her hold him for a second, then pulled away.

"I need to have a shower," he said. His voice was broken.

Phoebe nodded, and watched him go. As selfish a thought as it was, she was hoping he was going to cope well with Lila's death. She had enough on her plate with Helga. She didn't need to add Arnold to it.

…...

When Arnold was on his way back to his room he happened to look towards the master bedroom, to see Helga sitting on her bed, reading. He walked up to her door and knocked. Helga looked up, giving him a smile.

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked.

"How did you know?" he demanded.

Helga frowned, then went back to her book.

"The Butterfly," she said.

"What?" he asked, thoroughly confused.

"Every time a loved one dies, or in this case someone I knew, I see a butterfly with their eyes. When it flies away I know they've died," she explained.

Arnold shook his head.

"How's your house hunting going?" Helga asked, looking up from her book. "Any luck? Or have you not even started looking?"

"Haven't had the time," he said. "Wont have the time now."

"I can do it for you," Helga said.

Arnold just looked at her with a glare.

"You're an insensitive bitch," he snapped. He stomped away. He was so angry. And so sad. His heart was breaking, and he was feeling pain and he wanted her to feel it too. Then he stopped, seeing a family picture of Helga with Kieran and Christopher. He immediately felt ashamed.

Helga knew what he was going through, time a thousand. She hadn't just lost the person she married. She had lost a child. Someone she had carried inside of her for nine months. Someone she had spent many nights up with, had probably loved more than anyone, including herself. Someone she would both kill and die for. Someone she had raised, protected and taught for four years.

Someone who should still be with her.

Someone she couldn't let go of.

And he'd just called her a insensitive bitch?

He shook his head. It wasn't her fault Lila had died. It wasn't her fault that she seemed to know before he did. He admitted it to himself.

He was an insensitive prick.

There was no other word for it.

He turned around and went back to Helga's room and stood in her doorway. She'd just gone back to reading her book.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Helga looked up at him and smiled.

"Nothing you or anyone else can say or do can hurt me," she simply said. "Nothing ever will again."

…...

Phoebe helped Arnold with the preparations, and went along with him to the funeral. It was the first time in years that she came face to face with Gerald. He had a wife and two children. She was surprised to find that she got along really well with his wife. She was a quiet woman, a kindergarten teacher. She was cheerful and optimistic, almost a female Arnold.

She found she felt no hostility towards the woman or jealousy. It had been a long time since they had been together and broken up, and it was under mutual circumstances. There was no cheating or lying. They had simply grown apart and weren't afraid to admit it and move on.

They traded numbers, and promised to catch up again, under more pleasant circumstances.

a lot of their old friends who were still in the neighbourhood came. Some asked about Helga, and how she was going, and phoebe would give them a generic answer.

All in all it was very pleasant, but extremely draining emotionally for Arnold.

That night he couldn't sleep and got up to sit in the lounge and watch T.V.

"I found the hardest part was just him not being there anymore," Helga's voice said quietly. Arnold looked up to see her standing there in a light blue nighty. He blushed a bit.

Was she aware that it was see through?

"I spent many nights apart from her, sleeping in my office at work," he told her.

"Why?" she asked, coming in and sitting down.

He looked her over. Her long hair was in a loose braid and over her shoulder. She was playing with the tip.

"We weren't getting along in the end," he said. "We discovered too late that we wanted different things in life. She thought she could change my mind. But she couldn't."

Helga looked down at her lap.

"Christopher was an accident," she said. "The best one I ever had, of course, and one I would never change. He was the main reason Kieran and I married."

"Didn't you love Kieran though?" he asked.

"Oh, yes, I loved him. More than was sensible," she said smiling. "I made him my everything. Then there was Christopher. Christopher is . . . was, my everything."

"What happened? He said something to me that had me wondering . . . 'never leave a child alone with a Pataki'"

"He needed to go to the hospital, and couldn't get hold of me, so he contacted my sister, who picked him up, but left him with my mother. He complained about a headache before Kieran left, but he didn't think anything of it. Olga just put him in my old room, and Miriam didn't realize anything was wrong until he was crying in pain. She gave him some ibuprofen. She should have called an ambulance."

The anger in her voice wasn't missed by Arnold. Neither was the dark look crossing her features.

"Olga came back and rushed him to hospital. He had a seizure on the way there. By the time I got the news and got there he was on life support. We had to switch it off. I'll never forgive them," she finished.

Arnold was quiet.

"It can be hard to diagnose," he said. "I had a colleague who sent a child home once. Three hours later the child was dead from meningitis."

"I don't care," she said. "Miriam didn't even check on him. Olga was gone for half an hour, and Miriam knew he wasn't well, and she never checked on him, except to give him some pain relief. I haven't spoken to any of them since. And I never will."

Arnold kept silent.

"Kieran never forgave himself," she whispered. "And it created a rift between us."

Arnold looked at her again.

"Sometimes I was glad he was sick, because part of me thought he deserved it for leaving my baby with them. Sometimes I blamed him. I couldn't help it," she admitted.

"That's normal," he said. "I have seen parents destroy each other over less."

"Really?" she asked. "You don't think I'm horrible?"

Arnold shook his head.

"Are you lonely?" she asked.

Arnold nodded. Helga reached out and took his hands.

"Can you stay with me?" she asked. "Please? I need someone with me."

Arnold knew he should say no. but he didn't want to be alone that night, either.

…...

Arnold convinced phoebe to go out with Scott again.

"Doesn't he leave again soon?" he asked her.

"Yes," she answered.

"Well you should spend as much time with him as possible, don't you think?" he persisted.

"Why?" she asked, turning on him. "Why do you want me out of the house so much?"

"What? I don't," he lied. "I just thought, since I'm here to keep an eye on Helga, you could get a bit more freedom and get out more. Leave the two sad sacks to it."

Phoebe eyed him suspiciously.

"I'll see," she said. "Any luck house hunting?"

Arnold groaned. No, he hadn't had luck. He was regretting giving up the apartment he had shared with Lila now. Not that he could have lived there. Going back and packing hers and his stuff up was bad enough. He didn't want to bring her stuff into Helga's home, and Lila's father was deceased, so he had given it to the local church store. All he kept was her engagement and wedding ring. Everything else went. The furniture he put in storage. Except the bed. That went to the store.

"I'm still looking for something close to work," he said. "It's near impossible though."

"And expensive," Phoebe said. "Have you ever thought of starting your own private practice?"

"Really, phoebe? I'm not even thirty," he said.

"Kieran, he was so proud of Helga's academic accomplishments. He used to boast about her when she wasn't around. About how talented and smart she was," Phoebe told him. "She's a qualified psychologist, but doesn't practice. She never did. They moved to often and she said one of the most important aspect of being a psychologist was trust. And what was the point in gaining someone's trust, only to leave them?"

Arnold was stunned. He hadn't known that about her.

"I thought she was just an artist and writer," he said.

"She is, but there's a lot more to her than just writing, painting and drawing, Arnold," Phoebe told him. "A lot more."

"My ears are burning," Helga sang, walking into the kitchen.

"Helga, tell Phoebe we'll be fine without her for a night," Arnold said.

"We'll be fine without you Phoebe. While you go off and be a wonderful girlfriend, Arnold and I will be upstairs making sweet sweet love, and healing our wounded hearts," she told her best friend.

Silence fell in the room. Arnold's mouth was opening and closing but no sound was coming out and Phoebe froze and just stared at her, then looked at Arnold, who looked at her shaking his head.

"Kidding!" Helga said. "It's just straight up sex."

Phoebe gasped and glared at Arnold.

"It's not true! We watched a movie," he said.

Helga walked out with a cheeky grin on her face.

That night when Phoebe went out with Scott, Helga called out "Do everything Arnold and I would do!"

"Helga," Arnold growled.

"Oh, so sexy," she purred, making him smile and shake his head.

Phoebe cast one last glare at Arnold, then left.

They fell asleep on the couch together, and Phoebe covered them both with a blanket when she got home, sighing.

Arnold and Helga looked so perfect, laying there together.

'What a shame everything went the way it did,' she thought, then went to bed herself.

…...

A/N: This is going to be longer than I though :/ Sorry.


	5. Chapter 5

(Gonna rush this and finish it a bit. Sorry. I hope you have enjoyed the story.)

Three months later . . .

Arnold was back at work, and Phoebe had to return as well. They were both worried about Helga being left alone, so Rhonda, of all people, volunteered to keep her company.

"I have nothing to do with my days, anyway," she said. Her husband earned enough money for her to not need to work. "Besides, it will be nice to catch up on life."

Phoebe and Arnold shared a look. Gossip she meant.

"I'll get her out and about as well," Rhonda said. "You can't lock yourself away like this. Life's sad enough, no need to wallow in it."

Rhonda actually proved to be good for Helga. Arnold cut down his work load, though, to spend time with her. He would take her for a walk on the beach, or to dinner at the local seafood resturant. He told himself he was not courting her. He had only lost his own wife three months ago.

But he couldn't deny that he was drawn to her, and attracted to her.

But he could see her heart was still broken, though less from Kieran, and more so for Christopher. He had found her one day asleep in his room, cuddling a teddy and face buried in a shirt. He could see that she had been crying. He had managed to keep her from going into the room and reading stories to thin air at least. Phoebe had frowned at first, but then seen it might not be so bad. Arnold never made moves, not matter how badly he wanted too. He would often curse his mind and body for not co-operating with each other.

The shocker though, was the day he came home - he liked that term, home - to find his clothes gone from the room he had been staying in. instead boxes were in there, all filled with Kieran's clothes. He went up to the room and found his suits hanging neatly in the wardrobe of the master bedroom, and opening drawers, he found his other clothes. Kieran and Helga had had separate drawers, only because Helga had so many clothes. He swore, also, that she had gained more.

"Rhonda's influence, no doubt," he said, smiling. He had to give the devil her due. She had gotten Helga out and about, and she was starting to reconnect with old friends, while staying in contact with old friends. But she was drifting away from them slowly. They lived a different lifestyle, and two had already moved away since. Helga didn't bother to stay in contact, though she changed their address on her Christmas card list.

Arnold had laughed when he'd found it.

"I never figured you'd be one for card lists," he said.

Helga had just held up another list, with names and birthdates and address's.

"Got a birthday card list here, too," she told him smiling. "And Anniversaries and such."

He discovered pretty quickly that Helga liked cards. Not just regular cards, either, but postcards as well. She had them from all over the world. Cards given to her were put in scrapbooks. She had another separate scrapbook with cards for Christopher. He could see she had put a lot of work into it. On the first pages were baby shower cards, then there was a birth notice and certificate and a newborn picture of him. Then she'd just added milestones, and birthday cards, and photo's. Arnold had looked through it one day. Helga was caught up in painting. She was pouring all her emotions into it, and was so intesly into it that she didn't even notice he was there.

Looking through, Arnold felt a pang in his heart. Christopher had been such a happy boy, all smiles and laughs. And he had obviously had a good life. He looked up at Helga. The complete opposite of hers. She'd obviously made sure of that.

Arnold started to feel like there was something missing in his life. Looking at the pictures, then up at Helga, it clicked.

He did want a family.

But why hadn't he wanted this when he and Lila were together? What was so different?

…...

Two months later . . .

He kissed her. On the beach. He just grabbed her hand, twirled her around ad kissed her. She had looked stunned, but then smiled shyly.

"Phoebe will castrate you if she finds out you did that, you know," she joked. Sort of. Arnold wouldn't put it past Phoebe to at least attempt.

"It's worth it," he said, pulling her back in for another kiss.

Later that day Phoebe had called to say she was doing a double shift, and wouldn't be home that night.

"I'm just sleeping at the hospital, then I'll make my way home late tomorrow morning," she told him over the phone. Arnold smiled, looking at Helga who was wiping down the benches.

"That's fine," he said.

He snuck up behind her and kissed her cheek.

"We're all alone tonight," he whispered in her air. He felt he tense then relax, and notice goose-bumps forming on her arms.

"Okay," she said quietly.

"Do you want to go out, or stay in?" he asked, turning her around.

"Hmmm, out," she said, smiling. "But somewhere different. I could do with a big juicy hamburger!"

"Hamburger's it is!" Arnold said, pulling her away from the counter. "Let's get changed, and get going."

…...

Somehow, for Arnold, sitting on the beach eating hamburgers and chips with Helga was one of the most romantic dates he'd ever had. After their food had settled they took a walk and talked.

"Would you ever have another child?" he asked. He looked over to see if Helga had heard him. Instead he saw her frowning and looking down at the ground.

"I honestly don't know," she told him. "I would always worry, always be paranoid . . . I also wouldn't survive the pain of losing another child. I'm barely surviving now."

They were both quiet for a long time, waves and terns being the only sounds they could hear.

"I'm sorry," Arnold finally said.

"What for?"

"For bringing it up. I didn't mean too," he said.

"I know. But it will always happen. He was my baby, my heart and part of my soul and body," she said. "You cant replace that when you lose it."

…...

A month later . . .

"Happy birthday!" Helga cried, as Arnold walked in the door. She was holding a cake and had cooked a roast dinner. "Your parents are on their way over." She kissed his cheek and then went back into the kitchen, talking to him the whole time. Then she went quiet and came back in then sat down, motioning him to do the same, so he did.

"Phoebe's moving out," she said simply. "She needs to be closer to work."

"So it will be just you and me?" Arnold asked, a small ball of excitement bouncing around in his stomach.

"Yep," she said. She got up and went to answer the door when she heard the bell go.

"How have you been holding up, dear?" he heard his mother ask. Arnold got up and went to greet his parents. They came forward and gave him a hug. Helga ducked back into the kitchen.

"So," Stella said, looking in the direction Helga had disappeared in. "What's going on?"

"Birthday dinner," Arnold said, leading them into the lounge. He went to sit down but heard the doorbell again. Answering the door he saw Gerald and his wife and kids in the doorway. Phoebe was coming up the path as well.

Arnold showed everyone in. no introductions were needed, as everyone knew each other.

"Dinner guys," Helga said, poking her head around the corner.

It was a great night. Everyone laughed and had a good time. When it was over, and nearly everyone was gone, Miles pulled Arnold aside.

"Be careful with her, as well as yourself, Arnold," he whispered. "You've both had pretty big losses. Just be sure you know what your doing. don't make a situation worse. Especially for her."

Arnold smiled.

"I know what I'm doing, dad," he said. "I wont stuff up."

Miles didn't look completely convinced, but what could he do?

"I hope so, son," he said finally.

…...

Arnold made his move that night, and Helga reciprocated. For Arnold it had been a year since he'd been intimate with a woman, for Helga, more. Between raising a son, and Kieran's illness, there was very rarely time to be intimate. It took the relationship to a new level.

At first Helga felt guilty and Arnold felt a bit ashamed. Less then a year since they had lost their spouses and they were moving on with each other. But it couldn't be denied.

The spark just wouldn't go out.

…...

Arnold and Helga married in the summer. It was a beautiful warm day. Kieran's family took it hard, that she had moved on so fast. It cause tensions between Phoebe and Scott, but eventually Scott accepted it, even if he didn't agree with it.

Two months later Helga was pregnant. She spent the entire time sick. And when they found out she was carrying twins, she cried all day and night.

Eventually she packed up Christopher's room. It was time to put his stuff away. Phoebe was there as well that day. Helga was blind with tears. Arnold told her that if it was too hard, she could leave the room as it was. They could use the room Phoebe had once had.

"No. it needs to be done," she said with determination. It lead to two days of tears. All his clothes were donated to the local woman's shelter.

"Don't you want to keep anything?" Arnold asked.

Helga shook her head. "I couldn't stand seeing my children in his clothes, Arnold. I'm sorry," she told him. "It's not fair on them, either."

Arnold nodded.

The furniture went too. The photo's stayed in place, though family portraits of her, Kieran and Christopher were put away. She again cried.

Arnold was his usual patient and supportive self.

The day the twins arrived sent Helga into a panic. They were early. It was the end of March. They weren't due til the middle of April. Not only that, it was Helga's birthday the next day.

She now shared her birthday with her children: Phil and Gertie.

She received a congratulations card from Olga. She wasn't sure how she knew, and asked Arnold. He shook his head.

"I didn't say a word, because I figured if you wanted them to know, you'd tell them yourself," he said to her. It turned out it was Rhonda. She had mentioned it to Nadine, and it was dumb luck that Olga happened to overhear.

Helga wrote, 'Return to Sender' on the envelope and mailed it back.

She wasn't ready to forgive. She didn't know if she ever would be.

Arnold said nothing. It was one problem she refused to share with him, and he just had to accept that. Olga wrote to him, asking if she could stop by and see the twins, or if he could sneak them to see her, Bob and Miriam.

He declined.

Helga found the letter in the rubbish, and fumed about it. Arnold assured her that he had been firm. They would meet the twins only when Helga was ready.

"It'll be a cold day in hell, Arnold," she muttered.

Stella and Miles spoiled the children so much anyway.

On the twins fourth birthday, she found out she was pregnant again. It was another girl.

"Mitzi," Arnold said.

"Mitzi? Sounds like something you'd name your dog," Helga said, laughing.

"That was my great-aunts name," he told her, all serious. Helga chocked on her laughter.

"Uh, sorry," she said, looking down at the baby in her arms. "I was thinking Calliope."

Arnold thought it over then agreed.

…...

Arnold opened his own practice from the house. One day, while he was sitting down after a busy day, and the children were finally in bed, Helga came and sat with him on the loveseat on the back porch, overlooking the yard.

"I never thanked you," she said.

"For what?" he asked, looking over at her. He always marvelled at how he was always falling in love with her over and over.

"For healing my broken heart," she said, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I never thank you, either," he said.

"For healing your heart?" she asked.

"More than that, Helga," he said. "For showing me what I really wanted. For being the right one. For completing me."

(Sorry if it seems rushed. I'm terrible with endings . . .)


End file.
